


IRL

by anonymousComrade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Humanstuck, Long-Distance Relationship, MMORPG
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-18
Updated: 2012-08-18
Packaged: 2017-11-12 09:36:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousComrade/pseuds/anonymousComrade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Humanstuck story that's been rolling around in my head for a bit now. The kids all know each other through SBURB, a fairly popular MMORPG.</p><p>Rated Mature for now because I don't know what direction to take it in yet, but there's nothing more offensive than swearing and some violence as of now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	IRL

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this idea for a Humanstuck AU for a bit and I'm finally actually writing the thing now

Sickle in hand, you turn around the outside corner of the building, probably a bank or something. You've never been able to figure out Derse architecture and you have no idea how anyone can stand so much _purple_ , but that's hardly important now. Three of your team are down and you have to find them before they're discovered by the enemy or bleed out.

Your headset beeps. "Hey KK, I found Aradia, Tavros and Kanaya shouldn't be too far from your position." You hope Sollux has potions on him; Doom Mages aren't known for their healing abilities. You step into the marketplace, abandoned by the general populace since the seige began. On the far side stands Eridan. You kind of expected this.

Eridan : alright kar, looks like its just you an me  
Eridan : wwe gonna do this mano a mano? you know ivve got this right i mean come on i got a fuckin LASER RIFLE fer cryin out loud and all you got is that sickle  
Eridan : you didnt take dual wwieldin or nothing, wwho evven does that  
Eridan : a prince a hope wwith a gun vversus a blood knight wwith a single one handed wweapon  
Eridan: more like the most one sided fistfights caught on film am i right

You don't spend any time typing out a response; you've already closed half the distance by the time he finishes his speech. He's got the advantage in range but the wonderful thing about Blood Knights is that they can take a beating, and the scorching energy blast barely even scratches you.

Eridan may have a legendary weapon, but projectile weaponry doesn't stand up in close quarters. You unleash a flurry of attacks that he tries to parry with the barrel of his gun but he can't keep up with you. You finish him off with _Guillotine_ , a particularly strong combination attack you picked up not long ago, and his corpse slumps to the ground, your blade coated in purple.

You don't have time to dwell on your victory before a foot of steel works its way through your back, piercing your heart. A voice whispers to you before you black out.

Terezi : TH3 HOP3 RUS3 W4S 4 D1STR4CT1ON  
Terezi : W3 H4V3 THE M4RK3TPL4C3

You rip off your headset and audibly swear as you respawn in your room on Prospit. The left earpiece breaks cleanly off as it smashes against the wall.

Returning to homepoint...

-[ Area: Lower Prospit ]-

\- Current chat channel: GUILD (TeamCharge) -  
[Karkat] FUCK  
[Karkat] I JUST GOT ICED IN THE MARKETPLACE.  
[Karkat] THEY USED THE PURPLE GUY TO LURE ME IN AND ONE OF THEIR LEADERS CAUGHT ME WHEN I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION.  
[Karkat] GODDAMNIT AND I FORGOT TO SET MY HOMEPOINT AT THE BATTLESHIP SO I'M ALL THE WAY BACK THE FUCK ON PROSPIT.  
[Kanaya] My Raise Timer Just Ran Out So I Am Back At The Ship  
[Tavros] sAME,,,  
[Kanaya] Oh Wow Karkat That  
[Kanaya] Sucks Pretty Hard  
[Karkat] YEAH WELL, IT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.  
[Karkat] I'VE GOT WORK IN LIKE THIRTY MINUTES ANYWAY. GUESS I SHOULD GET READY FOR THAT.  
[Sollux] thii2 ii2 the 2hiitiie2t iinva2iion attempt yet.  
[Sollux] at thii2 rate der2e ii2 defiiniitely goiing two wiin.  
[Sollux] how ii2 ONE FUCKIING GUIILD managiing two turn everyone away anyway  
[Sollux] oh 2hiit fuck no  
[Karkat] DUDE, WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?  
[Karkat] GOD WE REALLY ARE GETTING OUR ASSES HANDED TO US, AREN'T WE.  
[Captor] FUCKIING HELL  
[Captor] vriiska got me good.  
[Captor] fuckiing charmed 2ollux and spammed optiic bla2t all over everywhere  
[Captor] kiilled aradiia and then she walked up to me and kiilled me whiile my character wa2 2tiill dazed.  
[Captor] yeah okay fuck thii2, they were ready for u2 thii2 tiime.  
[Captor] abort abort abort  
[Karkat] GOD, I HATE THIS GAME SOMETIMES. SERIOUSLY, WHY DO I EVEN STILL FUCKING SUBSCRIBE?  
[Nepeta] ((pssst! karkat, you're breaking the fourth wall!))  
[Karkat] DON'T CARE.  
[Karkat] ANYWAY I'M OUT OF HERE. MAYBE NEXT TIME WE'LL HAVE A RUN THAT DOESN'T SUCK TOTAL GLOBES.  
[Karkat] LATER GUYS.

\-- Signing out... --

Your name is KYLE VAN TASSEL. In SBURB, you are a LEVEL 69 TROLL BLOOD KNIGHT. In real life, you are a CASHIER at a local corner store.

Sometimes you're not sure which one you hate more.

**Author's Note:**

> >ships TBD  
> >implying this won't end in Karezi


End file.
